By the time someone is saying they want out of a marriage, things are usually pretty bad. But if you’re wondering how to save your marriage, the answer could be as simple as shifting your awareness from what you’re getting and wanting to what you’re giving and contributing. If you want things to change in a difficult situation, boldness is the first thing. Be confident, gutsy, fearless, maybe even a little cheeky… but be about your spouse and meeting his/her needs for a while, just to shift the energy and direction of your relationship. It’s kind of hard to be mad at someone who is being kind, thoughtful and respectful.
“A successful marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.”
– Darlene Schacht
If you need to turn things around in a big way, be BIG with what you put in to the relationship. Ask yourself in all that you do: are you expressing care and connection or are you expressing resentment and anger? Are you focused on how you want this to go well or positively, or just the pleasure you get from racking up your negative feelings?
If your spouse wants out, that’s a sign of desperation more than a sign they really want a divorce. What they want out of is the pain and pressure of arguing and fighting and not getting along. Try giving them what they actually do want, to the very best of your ability, and often there can be a big turn-around that will help your marriage a lot.