“People are always fascinated by infidelity because, in the end – whether we’ve had direct experience or not – there’s part of you that knows there’s absolutely no more piercing betrayal. People are undone by it.” Junot Diaz
Infidelity is rampant in marriages. With disgusting websites devoted to helping married people “hook up” and cheat on each other, everyone looking the other way, and so little social accountability, it’s no wonder couples seek relationship help and marriage help after an affair in huge numbers.
Sometimes people say they are coming for help to repair an infidelity but one of them has a different agenda; make the person who cheated the ” bad guy” so they can feel justified leaving the marriage without trying to fix it. The reality is that most of the time these breaches of trust and vows can be repaired. The single most influential factor is whether the couple knows how to actually forgive and move on. Many say they have, but are just going through the motions, and the subject (and the endless questions) just keep coming up over and over again. Very seldom does cheating happen ‘just for the fun of it’ or for no reason. The people in that category are the immature, self-absorbed jerks who have no business in a serious relationship. But affairs happen when both people are mature and loving but get off track somehow… so repairing things in that circumstance has a much higher degree of success.
It is the calm review of the reasons for the affair and ‘leveling’ with each other and themselves that takes a couple from the tremendous upset and emotional roller coaster of infidelity to peace and connection once again. Focusing not on the pas, but on whattney want next is the real key to moving forward. In fact, if they both agree on the goal, and are willing to do what it takes to accomplish it, sometimes the marriage can actually be better and stronger than it was prior to the affair.