People who want help with their relationship usually think of traditional counseling or therapy.
They come in once a week (usually for many months) and the primary, if not exclusive content of the conversations is 1). a long, detailed description of the mistakes, arguments, blunders, betrayals, problems, 2). presentation of all the negative emotions associated with the problems… hurt, anger, resentment, lack of trust, humiliation, fear, frustration, annoyance, disrespect, disappointments, stress, irritations, failures and regrets.
Following this, the couple is given a mental illness “diagnosis” and labeled any number of things ranging from dysfunctional to resistant to having any number of “disorders”. And that’s if they don’t think your case is serious.
The problem is, this doesn’t work for most people. In fact, it often makes things worse.
I don’t believe there is any real ‘counseling’ or ‘therapy’. There is only training and education.
If you are expecting a “therapist” who is your audience for all the complaints, hurt feelings, resentments, and a long list of all the things your partner did wrong, you need to find someone else. I will not label you, analyze you, give you a diagnosis, or disrespect the fact that you’re probably doing the best you can with what you currently know.
If you want to know more, you can probably do better.
This training is very much based and rooted in Christian values and beliefs. I am not any kind of religious expert, and I am not supposed to take the place of your pastoral feedback.
The basics and foundational principles of how men and women are to behave in a marriage made under God haven’t changed in 2000 years. They haven’t changed because they work. These concepts and standards are a beautiful, solid foundation – a “recipe” for happiness, security and then your ‘purpose’ to develop and grow. Modern ideas of flexible values, lower ethics and morals, and ‘situational decision making’ leave many disconnected from their faith, and struggling to have a solid base of common significance and permanence.
Training is cooperative, collaborative, and focused on what needs to happen next to make the relationship they way you want it. It’s about being curious and learning. And because training and education is 100% about giving you skills, attitudes and beliefs to make things better, there isn’t any need to dredge up a lot of unpleasantness from the past.
If your tire blows out when you’re driving down the freeway, you don’t get out and stare at it for hours… with all your attention on how flat it is, how long it’s been flat, where it might have picked up the nail, how annoyed you are…etc. You just call the auto club or a tow truck and get it fixed That seems obvious… but why is it when people think about fixing a relationship problem, the therapy community told they have to stare at it a long time and understand everything about why it’s flayt and analyze how you feel about it being flat.
Taking action on SOLUTIONS is the only thing that gets you out of a problem. It should be exactly the same way when you have a relationship problem.